A Great Humbling

Getting strong at immense emotional cost

I’ve joined a gym. This feels like a loss for a few reasons.

It’s a big blow to me constantly telling people “Outside is free” all the time while refusing to acknowledge that shoes are $160 and half tights are $90. I hate cleaning machines. I hate other people at the gym because everyone else trying to improve themselves is my enemy. I didn’t come here for someone to embarrass me whether they’re aware that they’re doing so or not.

Come see me at Blink Fitness sporadically for the next year at least because it does have an annual commitment. The real tragedy is I comparison shopped gyms and got to see what’s out there. While Blink seems fine, I’ve now seen what it looks like inside Life Time and Equinox. Both of those gyms are about $50 a month cheaper than leasing a Kia. Even Crunch, which I thought was a normal gym, is $114 a month. Maybe that’s what gyms cost in New York? I don’t know. I hate it here.

No matter how much you insist you don’t need anything special it’s easy to get your head turned once you see what others have. If you know someone planning a wedding ask them what they talked themselves into that they insisted the wouldn’t need on Day 1. Now that I’ve been to the gym twice I just wish everything in there was 20% better but too late now.

This is good though. This gives me low impact cardio options and I can start lifting weights properly. I’ve purchased Casey Johnston’s LIFTOFF for $4 and I’ve been reading through that for some guidance.

That’s where the humbling part of all this comes in. I have just completed the first workout of Phase One and it’s really just about locking down form, but as someone with elaborate athletic fantasies, practicing my form with a Swiffer has caused psychic damage. Casey doesn’t insist on this and even says you can move to Phase Two as soon as your ready, so that can be immediately if you know your form is correct. Shamefully, I have no idea what I’m doing with a barbell. I didn’t even know that you’re supposed to do your sets in a row. I thought you roate through all of them then come back to the beginning like you’re doing laps of the workout. This makes the Swiffer workout useful to me and I do feel closer to ready to lift in the gym.

Gyms are a nightmare for people who feel in the way. Being on a machine that someone else wants is going to tear me apart. It’s like a bathroom line where everyone waiting can watch you shit.

I was on the eliptical Friday and looking over at people sitting on the bench press looking at their phones. It’s allowed. No one was waiting for them to get off, but suppose they were. Are you allowed to ask? Do you just hover? Do you try to look upset and wait for them to notice and when they do say “Oh no! Sorry. It’s okay.” and feel like a complete husk of a man?

Just as I had probably 25 miserable runs last year before I learned what I was doing in July this will start out the same. The good news is it’s January and if I can actually commit to this the way I did running I’m putting myself in a great position for summer and fall races. My neuroses are winning at the moment but I will continue to grind at least until I get bored.